(no subject)
Did I tell you I'm in an MBA program? The end.
1. “They say great men are embraced by thousands of strangers. I want to be great.”
2. “I think my body’s getting used to these 36 hour days.”
3. “You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore."
4. “Prepare to be humiliated on cable television!”
5. “You are the only reason I am. You are all my reasons.”
6. “He really is in love with himself. I thought it was just a summer thing.”
7. “But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a Strawberry Pop-Tart– the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?”
8. “Excuse me, was there a big yellow bird on this plane?”
9. “I was at this party once, and I’m on the couch with Randa McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful, staring at me. I go to lean in and kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So I turn, take out the gum, stuff it in a paper cup next to the sofa, and turn around. Randa McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the second it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. That would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered. I’m a miracle man.”
10. “I simply spied you loitering in organic produce and assumed you had time on your hands.”
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